Being your mom has been one of the most paridoxical experiences for me.  It all started with 9 intense hours in labor where the pain was so intense and overwhelming I cursed everything around me and worried about the women I knew who choose to do this child birth thing more than once.  They were for sure mad and utterly ridiculous.

But then I saw you.

I exclaimed I’d do it again more quickly then most,  my midwife admitted.  You were something with such love, bliss and energy. You . . .my new born son.

I’ve made my biggest mistakes with you . . . overdressing you and you developed heat rash all over your body; showing your baby pictures to your grade school class mates; denying you were sick and you could have died from a tooth infection; fighting with you over a hair cut and making you cry; losing patience with you, not being there when you needed me . . .  But I’ve grown the most as a person because of you.  I’d never experienced the feelings unconditional love until I met you.  You taught me to let go and have fun.  I learned to appreciate rocks, bugs, dirt and a young man’s perspective that can be so different than a young woman’s … and so much more.

Since you stopped talking to me it hurt’s more than anything has ever hurt, but I know the flip side of my hurt is the happiness you bring me and I thank you for that today.

There is silence between us, but I’m comforted to think that we will someday reunite and it will be that much more to celebrate.

Love,

Mom